Letters to Old Friends : JL

Hi J.Layese

I hope this letter finds you well.. HAHAHA

So ikaw man jud akong only one labeled as “best friend” nga true jud ang meaning. Kanang dili gyud sarcastic nga bestfriend. We clicked pag Elementary. We did all things together. If naai grouping or by partner nga activity kita jud dayon ka-group. Magkuyog ta after school while maghuwat sa atong mga sundo. Ug most of all dili tika ginajudge, nga imong panyo, ginatrapo nimo sa tanang hugaw and at the same time mao pud imong gamiton pangtakob sa imong baba.

I dont know unsa to atong giawayan, nga niend man atong friendship. Tungod ba to nga imong nagisi akong bag kay perti natong kiata, nya nagmini heart attack ko kay basin mayataps ko sa akong mother? I dont know, Im getting old. Dili na sing sharp akong mind like before.

Pero there are times nga naga cross ka sa kong mind. It was the time pud nga we were so young and atong barkada puros lalaki unya by end of the elem years kita naman lang duha nahabalin. Or kita nalnag ang wala nagadula ug computer games during lunch times?

But yeah. Just keep in mind nga until this day, wla man koi natawag nga best friend jud. Maybe as we get old, we realize nga no such thing exists. Walay best friends oie.. just close friends. And most of the times friends ra ta sa mga tao when the time allows it. In short, if magkaanak, magkauyab etc. etc. na imong mga close friends, ma-less priority jud ka ana and di dapat ma-hurt oie, thats just normal life cycle. We just need to move on with our life.

Pero I hope when time gives us a chance nga magkita, i hope we could still recognize each other and talk about how life has been sa atoa. Wishing you all the best in life.

Nagmamahal, Shuwaning!

Unfriended! Unfollowed!

So mao to sha Rams, Del and all the other kachika!
As promised, giunfriend na nako siya ug giunfollow sa ig. Kay tagakita nako sa iyang posts, makahinumdom ko sa mga matatamis na salita and everything pa-fall! Dugay ra oie.. karon ra ko nagpost kay nakita nako siya sa Mobile Legends.. Hoi ML update update naman dyan.. di na mi friends sa FB. Pero I think tungod kay gifollow sa ML maong dili maautomatic mawala iyang trace.

Pero nice oie nga wala na siya. Wala naman pud na siya nagparamdam. Mochat ra man ug unang chattan. Nya mochat diay ko? NO! Abi palang easy girl. I can feel when i am not wanted, and never in my life did i make pugos myself to someone or to anyone. It’s been months and yeah, one of the better decisions in life. Magfocus nalng sa ko ug invest sa akong self. 2021 will be a year of loving myself more. Ug katong mga tao nga gitake ko for granted all these years, “who you?” jud mo tanan by end of this year. HAHAHAHAHAHA lavarn.

GoodBye, AWS!

Exactly 10 years 8 months 26 days. Goodbye AWS. No bad feelings, just feelings of moving on para sa mas magandang kinabukasan.

2019 pa jud ko nagthink about moving on sa akong life. Akong mga batchmates has moved on. I really thought nga ako ang ultimate survivor but sadly dili man diay. Everyone was aiming to get number 4 (movie related mababaw nga reason), but sadly I am number 6. HAHAHA and after 10 years no, naa pa 4 out of 10 sa among batch action15 ang nahabilin. Yup, i broke the 50%.

Yes 2019 pa ko nagthink, but grabe nga project, plus covid had really got me. Plus a voice nga nagaingon “Josh, mag10 years ka sa 2020, sayang pud ang incentive”. And so i stayed. I got the 10 years incentive and is it worth it? Lets just say Covid hit hard. But still grateful for everything.

Basically AWS is my home. My comfort space. My mother. LOL. Everything i know now kay tungod sa environment nga giprovide sa ako ani nga company. She’s not perfect but arent we all are?. HAHAHA

Basically, dili man ang project or any sweldo ang nakapastay nako ug dugay sa company. It was the people. Which is isa pud sa reason maong easier ang paglet go while ang setup is WFH. I dont see workmates. I dont have random chitchat with people. Walay club activities. I mean walang ganap. Walay connections. If wala moi IG stories, there is 0% of me chatting you or making small talks. There was nothing to hold on to para mostay when daghan offer nga nindot sa ubang companies.

So I let go with clear conscience. I hope for the best to MAMA AWS. And i am also hoping the best for the newbies. AWS is a good company and will always be (on my mind). I am also looking forwad sa akong new endeavor, everything i learned sa AWS, i will surely share sa uban and hoping to learn new thing pud para char lang.

ACTION BATCH 15 研修生＃８, now signing OFF!

Realizations.

Wala jud ko nagblog about how the most toxic project sa akong 10 years sa IT industry ended and what are my post-project thoughts nga naghaunt sa akoa.

Actually, days after it ended made me realize a lot of things about me as an individual. Now, im grateful that it happened the way it was. I learned a lot of things, both technical and soft skills but actually the best part kay dili related sa work.

I realized with that project, kay dili unta nako maexplore ang Osaka ug ang iyang karatig parts Kyoto and etc. If wala ang project, dili ko maexpose sa real dialect sa Osaka. Japan is a comfort place for me, but Osaka is so far away from my comfort zone. Near Tokyo would have been, kay naa man didto tanan nakong friends. Osaka was too far from my close friends (friends nga kasame ug age). I learned to depend on myself.

Because of that project, I met a lot of people from different country more than in my Tokyo/Yokohama stay. I learned to make friends on my own without a wingman. It was hard, mura shag master level sa Donkey Kong nga game nga wala pa japon nako nalampos.

Because of that project, I can navigate the heart of Osaka ug akong mga favorite red district. I tried adto ug kyoto nga ako ra isa. I tried nga ako ra isa niadto sa Hiroshima – sa automic bomb site. I was afraid kaayo sauna, but i tried that all. Salamat sa project.

It may have been a disaster, but in the end it went well and open my eyes more to the real face of life. If naanad ka nga everything comes easy. Like naabot ka sa moment nga kaya nimo tanan, easy ra imong work. well that’s sunrise till noon.. wait lang until mahuman ang adlaw. IT doesnt mean that you need to fail to be happy, Im just saying failing is part of happiness and success. But in the end, it will gonna make sense jud for sure. Maybe now, wala lang gihapon ta kabalo unsa jud ang sense, pero i’m hopeful nga it will reveal itself in time.

P.S. TBH sometimes naa jud time nga wala koi ginabuhat pero ginasweldohan ko and i feel bad about it. And sometimes namiss na ko nga busy kaayo ko sa project. Kanang occupied kaayo imong brain, wala nai space for other unnecessary negative thoughts. Chos lang.

Random Memory: That Valedictory Speech nga gihilakan.

Laban lang ta sa atong mga random memory. I have to write about this kay naai garemind nako. Niana sha nako nga “i remember josh perti nimong hilak sa imong valedictory address”. Before ko niya giofferan ug USANA products. Ouch!

Hello ghorl! Let me correct you ha. Dili during delivery ko nihilak.. Perti nakong hilak during creation sa piece. That story goes like this:

My first draft was gibuhat nako sa foodcourt sa Gaisano South while nagkaon ug fishball. I remember this too well. The day nakabalo ko nga Valedictorian ko paghigh school is naglakaw ra ko padung colon kay mouli na ko and then the usual napariwarang landas ug naabot sa Gaisano South. The draft was about being conquerors, chuchu. Kay daghan pud kog giagian before nakuha nako ang coveted title. charot.

And then my Comp Education teacher told me nga pwede ko magpabuhat ni Sir Solon kay maayo daw sha mohimo ug mga speeeches tapos ang mga prev Vale before me kay siya daw ang nagbuhat etchos. So I went to Sir Solon para magpatabang. Si Sir Solon pud diay akong teacher sa Agriculture – isa sa pinakagamay nako nga grade pag HS pero laban lang ta kay same mi rainbow. Bahalag dili ko kabalo kaayo magpatambok ug bombil ug golden duranta.

Gibasa ni Sir Solon akong draft and told me basin daw ganahan ko nga magbuhat sha ug very new piece. And me was like laban sir, kay dili baya ko esssay writer i know dili nice akong personal draft. HAHAHA

A day after, naa na koi new piece nga ontrend kaayo. It has many references sa cellphone.. someting about inbox, outbox, message sent etc. Ontrend pa kaayo ni sauna kay mao ni rise sa cellphones ug mga unli texts. HAHAHA. Mr Solon had only one request, ipacheck iyang gibuhat kay Maam Lacaba, which was the guidance councilor. Kay ana sha siya ra jud iyang toohan nga mo review sa iyang work. Award winning essay writer si Maam Lacaba. Nation Wide ang peg.

Nipasar kay Maam Lacaba ang piece. She thought it was on-trend and relatable sa amo nga students. Then comes the final verdict: Ang last review by the Academic Admin Head. I forgot her name. or ambot lang. She read the whole piece and commented the paper. Daghan kaayong pencil marks. Almost half ang nawala ata.. Ang mga connect sa mga inbox, cellphone stuffs kay iyang giwagtang. That OLD lady gidrawing drawingan ang draft nako. So i read it. After a while i said some things politely. Ana ko niya nga : Miss kaning mga Cellphone reference ba. if tanggalon ni kay mawala ang connect diri sa part etc etc etc. Just few word ra jud to akong giingon. Hoping nga naa shai other input or so. And what did she do. Maldita kaayo sha nga niana nga ayaw nalnag pareview if dili ka maminaw, then she erased all the pencil marks sa akong paper nga pinasuko jud kaayo. and naa pa shay mga other words nga gibuhian nga all i remember now are not words but just feelings.

My poor heart was traumatized, nigawas ko sa office nga naghilak. Naghilak ko kay Sir Solon. Naghilak ko sa among adviser. HAHAHAHAHA So this is the time nga naghilak jud ko nang bongga kay wala ko nagexpect ug ang ato. Sir Solon and friends told me nga si Miss Cabaral nalng ang pahimoon sa akong speech. English teacher namo si Maam Cabaral. So she did a very generic yet inspiring piece.

Review process – OK na sha. It was final. Wala pa koi ipaprint ato. So it was handwritten. Busy na pud kaayo ko ato sa mga practice. And my friend Florimer Amity Bojos offered nga iyang irewrite. Nice man gud shag agi. Everything worked. Hahaha Doctor sa Medicine na ni si Flom karon. So proud of her. I think nasuwat na pud ni nako sa other entry nga if dili ako ang Valedictorian, I think Flom should be the one. Flom was 2nd Hon mention.

Hahaizt. I miss my HS life. HAHA nalimtan nalang jud ni nako nga moment kay paspas na pud kaayo ang mga pangyayari gud.. SOEP dayon.

P.S. Jusko ka taas. Sorry NA!

What happened to that Kid sa middle?

“Friend from work”

This pic has a very funny story that i think i need to write before my brain forces to delete it due to aging. lol

The girl sa right is moe, the girl in the center is the contestant in the philippine festival queen competition, the guy on the left is my “friend from work”.

Okay not friend from work. He is my meetup on that day while i was browsing and swiping sa tinder. HAHAHA he was a tourist. The only reason i introduced him as a friend from work is that we are in the Filipino Festival somewhere down Tokyo and i had my friends with me. And its awkward to introduce a tinder “eyeball” HAHAHAHAHA. He was tourist and wanted to explore, ana ko niya naai pinoy festival and he said he wanted to see it. So mao to, i have Moe with me exploring and so i invited him to join us. Isa pud ni sa issue kay abi jud nila uyab mi ni Moe. Friends ra jud mi. I cannot myself.

So Harvey tagged along with us. Buutan sha oie. He’s from the US of A, i forgot where exactly. The funny thing is, Moe asked for his FB and added him. Bweset, di man gani mi friends, mas nakauna pa si Moe. Feel nako nacurious si Moe or nafeel niya nga namakak ko about this guy. Maayo man ta ko mamakak pero awkward kaayo kay once iask sya aha mi nagkaila kay we have this tinan-away and smirk in us. hahahaha

My other japanese and pinoy friends joined us. So the “friend from work” is still the card we played and i hoped they bought it. The day end and I really forgot na what happened. Naa ba mi dinner with the original gang? idk.

I think naa toi dinner and wala ko nikuyog. kay sure pud ko walay dinner nga naa si harvey. The next thing i remember is that next day niadto mig Akihabara and explored some electronics. #burikat

P.S. I also added him sa FB nalng para dili awkward kay Moe. or competitive ko.

A Month After

Parang kelan lang, 2am to 8am atong tulog nga dili ta happy and fulfilled sa life. Pero karon kay 2am to 8:30am na siszt, pero at least dili ko momata nga stressed na daan. 🙂

Moana ta ko nga Mythic na jud ko sa ML tungod nahuman na ang project, pero na Mythic man ko before niend ang project oie. hahaha Katong nagcutoff sa budget ang client then giforced kog leave ug 1 week, na Mythic ta maamshieeee. Salamat to Nana! Though di man jud to leave kay nagwork man noon kog gabii. Work without supervision, mao nay akong LEAVE ato nga days.

But now, Oks na.. Nagrecover na akong heart sa trauma. Looking forward sa mga new projects and roles. That project jud ang naka paingon sa akong self nga dili na jud to mahitabo balik. I learned a lot of things. The trauma is so real that i think my self has developed an anti-do-that-again mechanism. I hope jud di na to mobalik.

A month na and i have a lot of things nga akong giplan. ML aside. I have continued my reading sa akong mga random books from NB. I tried some couple of exercises na pud kay tumtaba tayo sa quarantine sisszt. Nagtan-aw na pud ko balik sa mga videos sa youtube na akong gipangsubscribed.

For sure maka make na ko ug more entries diri. hopefully. And maynta kita na tag uyab oie. LOL! Lord, laban lang ta ha.

Leron

Leron Leron Sinta
Mahal pa rin sya.
Dalay dalay buslo,
Mura jud kag gwapa.

Pagdating sa dulo
Nagmove-on moveon pa.
Kapus kapalaran,
Marupokpok jud tawn ka.

-Babayng pak-an

Songs.

With spotify, my knowledge and appreciation of songs widened up. I’m also making new playlists because i dont sing celine/mariah/whitney-ish songs anymore. LOL. I have found the beauty of singing and listening to solemn, feel good melodies. Songs that when you sing dili ka kailangan mangugat. Sometimes the joy of singing songs dont come from the melodies and the technicalities, but by your understanding of what the song is all about. I love relatable songs.

BTW, I dont mean ha, nga tungod i dont sing high song that often na, doesnt mean i dont like them na jud. No. Music is changing. And some songs you like much doesnt really mean you have to sing them. Because some songs, are just not meant for singing para sa mga tulad nateng hikahos ang vocal range. And some songs just wont love you back.

I dont make sense. HAHAHA. magupdate na pud nya ko ug mga songs sa adlawng adlawng paningkakay. And songs nga maka bring back ug weird memories nako. wew. Like song nga diamonds are forever. hahaha

It’s easy, let it go.

Self, I do believe I failed you.
Self, I know I’ve let you down.
Don’t you know I tried so hard to love you in my way.
It’s easy, let it go

-Adia, babayng-pak-an