TOTBILB : Dear AB

Dear Ariel,

Ikaw jud ang isa sa akong pinaka crush sa una (College). Kanang feeling nga basta naa ka sa corner sa library kay dili jud ko focus sa mga programming concepts nga akong ginabasa. That stern look is so heavenly. Pero never pa jud ko nimo gitagad. Though ginasungod ko sa akong mga friends dira nimo in a very obvious manner, wala lang gihapon.. And i think na irritate ka, i felt it. Nairritate pud ko on how my childish friends act. charot lang. But grabe ra pud imong reaction. The most hurtful is when you waved back sa akong direction after gisungog ta, and i kilig but you were waving sa tao sa likod diay. And i know you did that on purpose.

Wala pa jud ka nakabalo ani. But idk how i got a hold sa imong number. Nagkatextmate ta. We talked about sa imong life. Sa imong mga bashers. I felt what you felt. I thought nga happy ka sa imong life as an ssg president pag HS, winning Mr High School etc. But i was wrong. Naay sadness sa imoha, which imong gishare sa akoa. It was heartfelt. But then the chatting stopped because i know i cant live a lie or maybe nawala na to nga number. I forgot.

I loved you from a distance. Nanggraduate ta. Nigraduate ta nga wala man lang ta nagkafriends. Crush ra jud guro ka. And hinay hinay pud nawala akong infatuation. Gi add gani tika sa FB which is wala nimo giaccept for a very long time. And then after 6 years. .Imagine.. After 6 years kay imong giaccept akong friend request. Long before giapply sa fb ang Friend Request Expiration.

I was so happy, Ariel. I thought maybe mao na ni. Maybe narealize nimo nga I’m the one. Lol joke.. Suddenly all the forgotten emotions returned. They didnt make sense but i remember every tiny bits of kilig. Tapos ni chat ka. Nangumusta ka. I introduce myself BACK. Of course sa kadaghan nimog mga admirers, who am i para imong maremember. I have nothing to lose, i told you in a joking way nga naa gihapon ka sa akong heart. Though that was only halfmeant kay 6 years, ariel, 6 years ni after graduation. Pero diay..

The conversation went to the direction nga you introduced yourself not as my schoolmate or whatnot, pero as a person connected with Ayala Land. Nabreak akong heart to know nga baligyaan diay ko nimo ug condo. I know there is a reason for this kalit kalit nga panghitabo. And this is it diay. Akong affection ay katumbas ng isang condo unit sa ayala lands’ properties. Pero move on, nisakay ko slight para makeep ang convo and then eventually wala ko nikuha kay there are more things nga akong ginafocus ato nga time.

So finaly i realized nga long lost crush RA JUD ka Ariel. I hope the best for you. I hope you continue to become a good example sa imong field. I regard your communication skills. Goodbye.

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<P.S. Naa pay 2 kabook TOTBILB entries and until now dili ko sure if kaya sa akong buot nga ipost sila. HAHAHAHA>

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Benders.

Everyone knows nga fan kaayo ko ug Avatar:The Last Air bender and its universe(Ayaw kog Labda atong Kora). Of all the element nations, i like the water tribe the most. Wala lang makarelate lang ko nila, and my heart just belongs to them.

I realized while nagthink ko ug mga work items, that in real world, BENDERS do exist. Let me list some.

Truth Benders. Or lawyers. lol. Mao ni sila ang kabalo mobend sa what is truth just to defend ilang clients. Those putakputak mouths could fool anyone. The truth will always come out though pero not for them. They can bend them, and bend them hard.

Damdamin Benders. hahaha maybe we already meet most of them. It depends, if lalaki, they are mostly the goodlooking ones and using their looks to you know, mambola. They always get what they want because of their good looks. Kung babae pud, mao ni silang pabebe etc. Always trying to get the affection of others that surround them. They always get help when needed.

Chika Benders. or mga chismosa. Mao ning mga tao nga ibend ang tinood para mas entertaining ang detalye sa mga chika nga nagapalibot sa neighborhood. Lingaw ni sila as long nga dili about nimo ang topic. Hahaha kanang nisuka ra gani kay naghangover guro, after an hour ang chika kay buntis na.. Ganern.

Makabali’g Otin. kanang mga babaeng pekpek shorts lang ang naa sa closet and pretty pud sila. Uu sila na ang maganda, sila na ang gusto ng lahat. Sila na ang pinagpala ng lahat. Exppression ra bitaw ni oie… ambot unsay origin ani nga bender.

Welll, daghan pa man sigurog benders sa real world. Wala nalng nako gani giapil ang life benders kay so gore and whatnot. Pero ana jud na, maybe we all have that bending abilities within us, and it’s up us if unsaon na nato paggamit. Chow!

rainbow

This Mountain Shall Be Removed.

Rest but dont quit.

Sometimes, it’s easier to say “I give up”, bisag wala gud na apil sa imong option hahaha. Giving up is not a choice dai, giving up is a result of an option nga imong gipili IMHO. Pero salig lang sa Kahitas-an, salig lang nga the universe will somehow , someday will reveal the reason for all the things nga ginaagian nimo karon.  So better smile nalng kaysa maghilak hilak ka permi. Not saying nga crying is useless pero ayaw pud himoang hobby oie. Grabe pud.

Think of the hardest times in your life before karon? And see that maybe ang imong maremember is how you overcomed it all. Nabuhat nimo sauna, mabuhat nimo karon. Again, salig lang. Salig lang sa kung unsa man imong pwede saligan.

Remember dai, faith can move mountains. Which actually means, look at the mountain from a different position and belive nga nilihok sha. And short, maniwala kanalng dai, mas madaling maniwala kay sa magdebate ka ug mga strong spirited individuals.

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And I Gave Up.

Draft(lang sa una atong rurok ng paghihinagpis and pagdadalawang isip sa aking mga life decisions):

wala na koi gana sa life. wala na koi kalipay. i tried to smile but my eyes show kung unsa man ang naa sa akong heart. i easily get angry. i look the manager with killer eyes. i feel depressed. But i know i am not fighting depression, i am fighting this situation in my life and how hard to accept this reality.

Pagfirst sa project, eager pa kaayo. everything is han-ay kaayo. eager kaayo ko magbug fix. everything is under control. everything is on the right place. But as what Yamada-san said, if you lack sleep and always go out of the office by midnight, the motivation will decrease. And mao jud nahitabo sa akoa. Wala na koi motivation. Naabot ko sa point nga magpakasaba nalang ko. If dili ni nako mahimo, unsa may worst buhaton ninyo sa akoa? paulion ug pinas? then so be it. But i have to balance my selfish wants and sa company nga akong ginarepresent. Gipili nako ang magpaka martir. Is this a good choice?

amazing grace. how sweet the sound that saved a wretched like me.

PRESENT:

Yes. I gave up my social life for the first 3 months of this year. It is a time nga dili ko ganahan mo look back. We actually laugh about it and call it Tatlong-Buwang-Natutulog-Ang-Diyos. But thats a joke lang ha. I knew God and my faith helped me so much during those times. But still, i dont want to look back atong mga panahona and how perilous it was. Karon kay okay okay naman, but still, ganahan na ko mahuman ni and mouli ug Pinas.

may

May – The spring